American Gladiators
System: NES
Release Date: October 1991
Developer: Incredible Technologies
Publisher: GameTek
Genre: Action
Contenders… ready! Gladiators… ready! Test your mettle against some amazing physical specimens in American Gladiators! If the American Gladiators was a part of your childhood, I’ve got some Aleve for the back pain you’re undoubtedly experiencing. I loved this show when I was a kid. I remember being super stoked for a video game version, but wasn’t too enthused with what we got. Now I can objectively check out the five different games and the Eliminator. Can I become the Grand Champion?
The five games on tap are the Joust, the Wall, Human Cannonball, Powerball, and Assault. In order to proceed, you need to win all five games over four different difficulty levels. This culminates in a trip to the Eliminator and the end game. Beginning an event brings up one of the Gladiators along with a little saying. We’ll begin with the Joust. As the contender, you have to defeat three Gladiators in succession. Between duels, you have to jump across pedestals, which will invariably mess you up. This is a game of rock, paper, scissors. You can attack high, low, or medium. High beats medium, low beats high, medium beats low. The Gladiators all fight in a pattern, so once you get those down, you’ve got no problem. An occasional glowing pugil stick is thrown toward you that gives you a one hit win.
The Wall has you alternately pressing the A and B Buttons to move along. Two female gladiators are chasing after you. If they touch you in any way, you fall off the wall. This includes them falling at you, as well. There exists a glove that makes you move quickly and removes the need to press the buttons for a moment. Human Cannonball puts you on a pumping pedestal and tasks you with catching a swinging rope and then launching at an awaiting Gladiator at the right time and angle. Later levels alter the speed of the pedestals and move the girder the rope is attached to.
Powerball pits you against three Gladiators. The goal is to grab a ball from one of the end containers and drop it in one of the five receptacles. The Gladiators don’t make this easy as they bounce around. If they touch you, the ball is lost and you need to run to the other end. Filling all five receptacles grants you an extra life, which will be necessary to get through. The final game is Assault. Here, you run forward while a Gladiator on a floating tanklike apparatus constantly shoots balls at you. Along the way, you collect rocket icons that give you three shots with which to hit the Gladiator. You can both take a few hits before you win or you die. You can also skip past by crossing the finish line at the end.
After beating all five events, you are granted an extra life and sent to the next difficulty level. They do get more difficult, but follow the same rules that are already established. The final event is the Eliminator and it will eliminate your lives. You begin by jumping the I Beams while huge balls fly on screen trying to knock you off. If you get by that, it’s on to the Hand Bike, which is relatively simple. The Conveyor Belts require some quick thinking and good timing so you don’t fall off the screen. The final section of the Eliminator is the Zipline. Timing is key again, as you have to jump to the next zipline at the right time or you fall off. Winning sets you up as the Grand Champion!
Graphics: 2.0
Everything looks as average as average can be.
Sound: 1.5
The music and sound effects aren’t impressive.
Gameplay: 2.0
Each of the games work, but they aren’t particularly deep in nature.
Difficulty: 2.0
The Human Cannonball is the only truly unfair event, though the Wall layouts in higher difficulties are cheap.
Fun Factor: 1.0
I wouldn’t call this fun, but I guess it’s functional.
Overall Rating: 1.7
American Gladiators earns a C-. It’s better than I remember, but that’s not really saying much.