Darkman
System: NES
Release Date: October 1991
Developer: Painting by Numbers
Publisher: Ocean Software
Genre: Action
Steal the faces of all who have wronged you in Darkman! Out of the Raimis, Ted is my favorite, but Darkman was the brainchild of the more accomplished Sam Raimi. It’s not on any service I have and surprisingly, I have never seen the film, so I’ll be looking for the DVD. Liam Neesen is a scientist who has created a synthetic skin for burn victims. Good thing, because the mafia explodes his lab with him in it and his skin is burned off! Now it’s time for revenge. Can you get through seventeen levels to achieve it?
Did I like Robocop 2? No. Is Darkman basically similar? Yes. Is Darkman slightly better? Yes. Does that mean it’s good? No. Ugh… the super floaty controls are back. Movement is momentum based and that is just terrible with the precise jumps that need to be made. Try getting up these trees without getting knocked back or having your momentum not be enough. And don’t get me started on spawning platforms that end up not in sync. Darkman can kick and punch, but connecting with his strikes are truly hit and miss. Fighting your way through the first level is really a test in trial and error. There are chemical potions you can collect that will replenish your life at the end of the level.
I will say that the best part about Darkman is that the levels are short. These things are really only a few screens long. But good luck finding your way to the end. Some portions have you riding on a tight rope of some sort and you need to press the A and B Buttons to balance yourself. Between the terrible physics and the nonstop instant kill traps, you’re not getting through the first dozen tries. But once you do, you’ll feel like you can do it anytime. Spoiler: You can’t.
Darkman uses the synthetic skin to take the identity of his enemies. Every few levels, you target a new baddie and have to take their picture a bunch of times in order to make a good mask. This consists of controlling a camera reticle and avoiding mobsters who are shooting at you. The more and better pictures you take, the better the mask and the longer the time limit you get on levels. The different characters play differently, but none of them particularly well. This guy has a club that rarely hits. Hoppy here hops around a shoots a shot that pushes you back. Ninja guy can pick up shurikens and throw them. Durant also has a gun, but otherwise isn’t special.
There are elevator levels where you need to follow some arrows or make some guesses on what way to go. These are a huge pain in the butt, but you can get through them with some trial and error. There are also a couple of helicopter levels that are not great. You are hanging from a rope ladder and have to avoid dying while collecting bonus points and chemicals to replenish your life. The thing is, you’re going to die a lot and you only have three continues. Luckily, there is a level select password if you enter DERMA, so be prepared to enter it a lot in order to get through this one.
Graphics: 2.0
The graphics are alright, but not the best I’ve seen.
Sound: 2.5
I actually kind of like the soundtrack, but it isn’t great.
Gameplay: 1.0
The physics are floaty. Attacking is way more miss than hit. Jumping platforms is near impossible.
Difficulty: 1.0
The horrible controls make your life incredibly difficult. The only saving grace is the level select code.
Fun Factor: 1.0
I enjoyed a bit, but it’s way more of a pain in the butt than I liked.
Overall Rating: 1.5
Darkman earns a C-. Not good, but you can get through it thanks to attrition.