Total Recall
System: NES
Release Date: August 1990
Developer: Interplay Entertainment
Publisher: Acclaim Entertainment
Genre: Action
Make it to Mars and destroy an interplanetary corporation in Total Recall! You can buy some memories wholesale, and a trip to Mars sound right up your alley. But when Rekall Inc. hits a memory cap in your brain, things start to break down. Everyone is out to kill you and you need to get through 9 levels on Earth and Mars to solve your real truth.
Total Recall is a game I had when I was a kid and I HATED it. With a passion. I remember just getting killed immediately over and over again. I’m not certain I ever beat the first level. You can imagine the feelings I may have felt as I saw this game coming up on my list, but I was determined to defeat it. You are Arnold… I mean Dennis Quaid… errr…. Douglas Quaid and you have a need to get home to figure out what’s going on. Thugs pop out of trashcans, jump out of windows, and grab you into alleys in an attempt to stop you. You can’t stop, because Richter is behind you and ready to kill you in an instant if he gets you.
When you finally get to your apartment, your wife attacks and you have to kick her ass. However, you have to do it quickly, or else Richter starts shooting an unlimited number of bullets at you in quick succession. If you’re not right at the door, you’re dead. Continuing on, you’re trying to find your way to Mars and it involves a lot of fighting. Through security in an X-ray room. Through the subway, as you fight off bad guys and dogs. Through the hobos that demand to be killed.
Quaid heads to Mars, where you have to defeat a bunch of security robots. Then the Transit Hub is an incredibly annoying level where you control a car and are constantly under attack from enemies and bad controls. The alleyways are full of enemies. Then the caverns have living skeletons that must be punched to death. This ends in a fight with a dude in a killdozer that requires precise timing to defeat, as he’ll kill you if you take too long. The final level has you take on an infinite number of enemies, which I tried to grind on to gain health. The health replenishing drinks are hit or miss throughout the game. I didn’t gain anything from them on early levels.
The final boss was a pushover. Well, after I learned not to shoot the glowing thingy on the raised area. Reaching the emblem allows Mars to be instantly terraformed and you win. Philip K. Dick has written some iconic stuff, but would probably be pissed at this rendition of his work. Brian Fargo, I’m holding you personally responsible for this game. At least if you die after reaching Mars, you can continue from there by entering the movie theater and holding the A and B Buttons.
Graphics: 1.5
The animations are stilted, there’s a lot of solid colors, but the cutscenes look nice.
Sound: 2.0
I’m not going to complain about the music or sound effects. They aren’t great, but they’re serviceable.
Gameplay: 1.0
Controls are sluggish. Many times when I should have been shooting, nothing happens. Enemies take too much damage. There are no upgrades.
Difficulty: 1.5
This game is mostly cheap. It’s not as cheap as my brain remembers, but still bad.
Fun Factor: 1.0
I was hate playing this game. It wasn’t a good time, but I needed to finish it.
Overall Rating: 1.4
Total Recall earns a D+. This isn’t a good game. It’s slightly more playable than my memory says, but certainly not something you want to play.