Ski or Die
System: NES
Release Date: February 1991
Developer: Konami
Publisher: Ultra Games
Genre: Sports
Take it to the slopes for some extreme minigames in Ski or Die! Rodney has moved from the streets up to the mountain and you have a bunch of different events to take part in to show that you’re the best boarder on the mountain. Can you become the best at five snowboarding events and show your stuff? There’s something about these Ultra Games instruction manuals. They have a lot of fluff that doesn’t seem serious. They’re entertaining, but silly.
After you enter your name you can choose to practice events or compete. I went straight to compete in all five events. Let’s go at them one by one… You start with the Snowboard Halfpipe. Here you move down the halfpipe, and go from side to side performing tricks. After a few times, you pick up speed as shown on the meter under the clock. Each different speed level gives you different tricks whether you’re in the tube, at the lip, or in the air. If you biff it, your speed drops back to the slowest.
Next is the Snowball Blast. Here you are hitting kids with snowballs. You control a crosshair and press the B Button to throw a ball from a limited supply. On the bottom right corner, you have a compass that you can change your direction by holding the A Button and pressing a direction. A stack of snowballs will add to your stock. A shovel will add to your time. And a star will give you unlimited ammo for a few moments. Whatever you do, don’t hit the ski instructor or you’ll lose time. There are three levels for you to rack up the points.
Afterward is the Downhill Blitz. You need to do your best not to biff it and make it down the hill. Points are earned by jumping gaps and landing safely. This is easier said than done. You can jump by holding down the A Button, but only at certain points. My favorite event is the Acro Aerials, which is a big ski jump. Bash the A and B Buttons while mashing left and right will get you a bunch of air. Then you press the A Button and any of the eight directions to do a trick. When that is done, press the A Button and another direction for another. A third trick will get you the best scores.
The last event is the Innertube Thrash. You go up against your old nemesis Lester in a one on one tubing battle down the hill. The A Button and a direction causes you to rotate in your tube. You want to do this to face Les. Then you press the B Button to attack him. You start with a fork, but can pick up a dart or a Swiss army knife. These weapons are stronger and help you pop his tube. Every time you can beat him up gives you more points. Avoid mousetraps and bear traps, while picking up patches and air pumps to replenish your own health. After a few tries, I got high scores I was happy with and decided to head back to the cabin for a drink by the fire.
Graphics: 1.5
The graphics are nothing special, but they aren’t awful.
Sound: 1.5
Music isn’t any good when it exists and sounds are par.
Gameplay: 2.0
It doesn’t play terribly, but it doesn’t play well, either.
Difficulty: 2.0
It took me a couple tries to understand how the events worked, then it was simple enough, though doing well is tough.
Fun Factor: 2.0
I actually didn’t have a terrible time with this one, but it isn’t great or anything.
Overall Rating: 1.8
Ski or Die earns a C. You know what? This game is alright. I can’t say it’s anything you should go out of your way for, but give it a shot.