Dragon’s Lair
System: NES
Release Date: December 1990
Developer: MotiveTime
Publisher: CSG Imagesoft
Genre: Action
Take one of the most innovative arcade games of the 80s and port a version to the NES with Dragon’s Lair! Dirk the Daring has a quest and that is to infiltrate Mordroc’s Castle and save the Princess Daphne. On his way, he’ll have to survive nonstop perils and a mazelike layout before facing off against Singe the dragon. Dirk doesn’t have what it takes to save the princess and you don’t either.
You begin outside of the castle at the drawbridge and need to find your way in. A bat spawns and you can throw knives to defeat it with the A Button. Dirk can collect gold for points that are denoted by a square around a G. And if you go for this one, you have to be careful because the drawbridge will collapse beneath you. If you get your foot on the hole, you’ll die. When you get over it, a monster pops his head up through the bridge and starts blasting fireballs at you. Jumping over it leads you to the castle door that kills you if you touch it. Okay, so I have to kill the monster, but avoiding the fireballs are tough. Finally killing it gets you in the castle.
There are jerks in the cells throwing instant kill weapons that you have to pause to avoid. Then there’s a snake that appears out of nowhere. Better start throwing daggers immediately, because if you touch him or he hits you with his stone, you’re dead. At any point, enemies may suddenly disappear. This is because the Lizard King is on his way. You need to hit him ten times or so because if he touches you, he’ll steal your gold. There’s a bevy of spikes that you have to crawl underneath. More snakes, more bats, and more floors collapsing beneath you.
If you can beat the level you appear in an elevator. Choose your next floor with care, because you may accidentally head right back to where you came from. Thank goodness for time travel. The next area I came to was full of bats, crushing pillars, and moving floors over pits. You have an energy gauge that depletes as you’re hit and as you throw daggers. This can leave you in very precarious positions. The lights are set to go out at certain spots and you need to light your candle with the Start Button. This area ends with a dual boss throwing rocks that you need to dodge while knifing them as they pop up.
The elevator is back again and the next place I got to had floating skulls and collapsing floors, but the ceiling was too low to fully jump over them. Better memorize which boards are bad and which you can walk across. Then there are traps that rotate balls that you have to jump over and duck under. These little ghost guys float up and down and you have to avoid them, but you can get some axes, which are way better than the daggers. I got a little farther in this level, but kept dying and got frustrated, so I quit.
Graphics: 2.5
It looks pretty good, but the animations are incredibly stilted.
Sound: 1.0
I feel like all of the development money went toward graphics and nothing else.
Gameplay: 0.5
The controls are awful. Memorization on its own would be fine, but with the terrible controls… it’s not!
Difficulty: 0.5
Five lives will never be enough. I don’t care who you are.
Fun Factor: 0.0
Even when you have everything memorized, you’ll fudge up a pixel and rage.
Overall Rating: 0.9
Dragon’s Lair earns a D. I wasted an hour of my time, but if I tried to learn and play this legit, I would waste a month or more. That would be the worst investment ever, so I will just walk away.